The Yin Yang Of Happiness
May 1, 2019 by
Life is all about yin & yang. This applies to happiness as well. To experience your greatest happiness, you must understand & overcome your greatest sadness.
Sadness in the form of verbal abuse is often not well understood & often gets brushed over. The purpose of this blog is to help you to recognize it as it may be your greatest sadness & you may not even be aware of it. If this is the case, the goal is to help you to overcome it. Here goes:
VERBAL ABUSE AT ITS CORE
It’s a constant verbal beat down of every idea you have with no positive reinforcement.
It’s a constant criticism of every action you take without identifying anything good in your actions.
It’s a constant criticism of how you look with no identification of the beautiful person you are.
When this happens 365 days a year, endlessly, simple criticism becomes a character assassination to you.
THE HARDEST PART
Verbal abuse leaves internal scars so there is no proof & thus nothing for people to see.
There may be no witness or even if there is a witness present, they may disregard the verbal lashings as harsh critique/criticism or they may not want to get involved.
It can lead to you becoming extremely introverted due to damaged emotions or becoming addicted to something to cope.
You may find the courage to confront your abuser as you see fit & ask for an apology from them but they may never apologize.
INDICATIONS OF THE VERBAL ABUSER
Their tongue is their tool & they may even use it to threaten you & your life.
They bully you with their words. They yell at you & criticize you repeatedly over and over again. They feel this is acceptable behavior because they feel they need to school you & that you deserve it for not doing what they want.
Anytime you do something contrary to what they want, they blame you & say you are the rebellious one. This is their justification for verbally attacking you-they deem you the problem & not them.
They demoralize you on a regular basis by negatively comparing you to others & saying “Why can’t you be like them?” This makes you feel completely worthless as a human being.
Knowing that a conversation with them is coming, you can feel ill, your heart can palpitate, your hands can sweat & your gut can get shook. You are unable to function because of it & your system shuts down.
They scare the living hell out of you. Even just seeing them coming towards you scares you & makes you tense up in fear knowing that they are going to rip into you for something. You live in fear of them.
You do & become exactly what they want to stop the abuse. Your identity becomes what they want & not what you want. You lose yourself but you know that’s what it takes to stop the abuse.
They show no abusive behavior & are respectful to your family & friends. While they are harsh to you privately, they are loving, funny, kind & nice with others to the point that no one would ever believe that they would hurt you.
SIGNS IN YOUR HISTORY:
Childhood dreams of falling from way up high which is a sign of excessive anxiety.
Refusal to leave school when you did something wrong for fear of being hurt at home.
Complete loss of self-esteem. As a result, you avoid looking in the mirror & you hate being photographed.
Always crying to relieve the emotional pain.
Being in unhealthy relationships & friendships because that is all you know.
Purposely forgetting your past life as much as possible & keeping no photos of it.
HOW TO END IT
Find a way to leave the situation & enter your own protection program so you feel safe. Move & change your phone number if you need to.
Spell it out for them in black & white. Write a letter detailing everything & how they hurt you if you are afraid to do it in person.
Decide: If this person ever contacts you again, do you want a relationship with them if they apologize? If yes, make a list of parameters for the relationship i.e. meet them only in public places & always have someone with you when you do.
Seek out a professional counselor if you need someone to talk to. (No shame)
Seek out a support group so you can talk with others who have had a similar experience if you need to. (No shame)
If after making any & all attempts that you want to make to heal your pain & you still feel emotional pain, you need to end this toxic relationship once and for all for your own health & well-being.
Whatever your greatest sadness is, may you overcome it so that you can achieve your greatest happiness!